Ok just caught a movie on my Netflix called What Love is Starring Cuba Gooding, Mathew Lilliard Sean Astin. The actual story of the movie is simple; Cuba Gets to his home on Valentines night and discovers his girlfriend of 3 years has just left him. What follows is various rants on men, women, relationships and oral sex (One of the funniest scenes in the movie.) One of the best rants is not a real rant, in between Cuba Gooding Jr & Mathew Lillard screaming there heads of Sean Astin calmly tells about the 11th Man theory. The theory goes as follows:
"say there is a woman in a room with 10 men, and all 10 men are telling her how beautiful she is, and how amazing she is and they are lighting her cigarette and buying her drinks and just treating her like gold. Then all of a sudden in walks the 11th man, he takes one look at her and says "hey how ya doin'", turns his back on her and starts talking to his boys, THAT'S the guy she wants to be with, the 11th man, not any of the 10 men who were treating her well all night, but the one guy that couldn't care less, why? Because for some reason women don't want nice, they don't want real, they don't want to be treated well, I mean not at first and sometimes not ever, and I think that's crazy and I refuse to play that game .... get a girl by pretending that I don't like her, I wanna be with a woman who's real, who digs it when I'm nice to her, who doesn't see that as weakness or take me for granted when I tell her that I think she is more amazing than anything else in the entire world, but unfortunately most women aren't like that, they say they are, deep down inside they want to be, but ... they're not"
Now this theory strikes a chord with me cause as I get older I'm seeing the results of dating that 11th guy. A couple of Google searches indicate that the current divorce rate is about 43%. Many of my own friends are on there 2nd marriage or have long term relationships that can only be described as shit awful. And I don't know if the 11th man theory is the actual problem but how can a solution be found if the problem can't be identified.
I've always liked puzzles because no matter how hard the puzzle was you knew there was a solution. It could take me hours to figure it out but even if I couldn't figure it out I knew there was an answer, but not with people. You can not look on a woman's ass for a cheat code that gets you to the boss level. Trust me I've looked.
Near as I can see it there is one big problem between men and women... No one knows what's real. We read these books, watch these TV shows and see these movies and think that is how life will turn out. The couple getting together in the third act after a ton of obstacles makes for a great story but life doesn't have to be that hard.
Guys a woman will know within the first 5 minutes if she wants to sleep with you and nothing you will say or do will change that. Now like all rules there are exceptions but it will be a lot easier once you find out she is not interested in you if you assume the most you can ever be is friends.
Women a guy knows with in the first 5 seconds if he wants to sleep with you. The next 4 minutes and 55 seconds is spent figuring out if he wants more than that. A man's desire for sex is practically constant and when he sees a woman he know if he wants to have sex with her. But wanting to have sex and wanting a relationship is not the same thing. If he says before hand he is not looking for a relationship he just wants to hook up. Don't be upset when he hooks up with someone else. The whole men don't really know what they want logic is bull shit. We may not know what's best for us but we know what we want.
So it seems that the very act of dating is screwed up to begin with and I'm not sure what the problem is but I have a theory and it's a pretty easy theory. Most guys are simple creatures. We don't think things through. We'll take on projects that are beyond our scope cause we don't know better. It's like a guy saying I'm going into the woods to go camping and live of the land and all I'm bringing is a spoon. No I don't really have any wilderness survival skills but I was a boy scout for 6 weeks I'll be fine.
Women over think things they look at a situation and come up with a Million possibilities of what may happen and based on that they formulate there course of action trying to take in account all possibilities. That's like Packing for a trip with out knowing when or where you're going or how long you will be gone. It's not mentally healthy.
The very act of dating is a moron and a nut job trying to find each other... It sometimes seems impossible but it can't be because I know couples have made it work.
Than again what do I know?
Below is the actual scene from the movie.
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