January Statuses and Tweets

As promised I will be collecting my statues and tweets every month in to a blog post.  I hope you find them funny.  


Just found out that during prohibition they uses to sell medicinal Whiskey. That means that at one time or another the medical community has prescribed Marijuana, alcohol and orgasms as a medical treatment. So some of the parties I have been to were just really preemptive treatment.

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Why are most of the compliments I get on my looks from gay men???

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What's the difference between being attracted to someone and compatible with someone? Well for a guy if we are compatible it means we can still talk to you after we've had sex... I don't mean right after, I still need a nap.

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One of my female friends asked me how come I only seem to date crazy women? Like I know that when I meet them. It's not like I hang out in a psych ward looking for a hook up.

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Woke up cold, I need a cup of hot Chocolate or a good woman... but I don't have a little packet that I can add Hot water to and get insta-chick.

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It's amazing what music can do to a person. a song comes on and I'$ instantly transported to a different place and time... usually a good thing except when I should be paying attention to when I am driving.

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Apparently as a reflex when I get nervous at the dentist my tongue would push away the instrument. Afterwords my dentist told me I have a very strong tongue... I don't know how I feel about that.

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I think between my comic strip and the jokes I put up, people must think I am some sort of sex obsessed geek who spends all his times in strip clubs... Like I could afford to go to that many strip clubs.

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I think people over use words to the point they don't realize what they are saying. How is everything the most awesome thing in the world?

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To me what would be awesome would be to get a high paying job writing Movie scripts... right after Jennifer love Hewitt asks me out. That would be awesome!!!

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I wonder if they Take BJ's cards at Strip Clubs? It would be great if I could buy my lap dances in bulk.

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I'm not anti-social, I am anti-stupid.

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Every now and than you see a friend making a big mistake and all you can do is warn them, hope you are wrong and help if you are right... I hope I am wrong!!!

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I have no problem with faith or religion or philosophy. I have problems when a person believe that just cause they have faith they know how I should live.
I don't know what disturbs me more, the fact that there is a Wiki page about the Donkey Punch or that some one actually drew a gif for the morons who couldn't understand the definition.

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I don't get the whole FB stalker spam. I have no idea what I would do if I even knew who kept visiting my page... Send thank you emails???

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So I got frisked at the airport again. if they are randome checks than why do they always stop me.

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So apparently me parents have cute little pet names for each other. My dad is dick wad and my mother douchebag. I thought they were kiddin but I just seen them call each other that at dinner.

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It's my mom's 60th birthday. She says 60 is the new 40. I think I have to have her tested for Alzheimer's.

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When your mother calls you a pussy because you don't drink what do you say back?