This is an actual conversation as best as I can recall it between me and my buddy. Of course I am going crazy so I could have imagined it.
ME: I finally figured out why I attract crazy women.
MT: This should be interesting, go on.
ME: So I'm with this girl and she starts to go into this whole tirade about how the rain is a sign god is mad at us and how another flood is coming.
MT: Seriously???
ME: I wish I could make this stuff up. After I spend the next 20 minutes explaining that it's not raining everywhere and if God really wanted to start over he might not use the same trick. I mean he's god I'm sure he can find a dozen other ways to wipe us out with out having to repeat himself. I don't want to believe god is all powerful but not very creative. Anyway I look over and this Japanese guy is taking pictures of me and her.
MT: You sure it was you? Maybe it was something next to you?
ME: Why would anyone want to take a picture of the Manhattan skyline? Anyway I figure I must be on a reality show like the Truman show and I'm like a huge celeb in Japan.
MT: Actually it's in Germany and if I could get you to autograph some of your t-shirts I can finish paying for grad school. I bought my new car with the money I got from selling all your socks.
ME: I told you someone stole them!!!
Friday, November 5, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
The Early Years with my Brother
I should have known my brother Marc would be the biggest pain in my ass when I was 10. You see, there is an 8 years age difference so it was not uncommon for me to watch over my brother when he was younger; my mother would often just have me entertain him while she cooked or cleaned. One day I was laying on the floor while my brother is playing with a plastic cup. Not just any cup, but my Nestle Quick bunny mug which required 6 proof of purchases and shipping and handling to get it... and it was worth every penny. I mean this thing had been around for 5 years and had never even chipped. Even with my brother using it to beat the floor it never seemed to scuff.
So there I am, playing with my brother while he is sitting on my stomach, remember he isn't even 2 yet, and he is banging the cup on anything nearby. He is enjoying the sound it makes so much and he is quiet so I let him. I am actually paying more attention to cartoons than my brother. My mistake, he starts to bang it on other things, the table leg, the chair, my teeth.
That’s right, my teeth, now when this happened for some reason he started crying, it might have been the large amount of blood that came spurting from my mouth, it might be the realization in his infantile mind that he screwed up, but for whatever reason he started wailing away like I had just stabbed him. My mother who was alerted to the fact that something was wrong came into the room at that moment.
She took one look at me covered in my own blood and one look at my brother who was crying. And in that second the tone of my life was set. My mother who had given birth to both of us and loved me supposedly, didn’t spend a second to look at me. Instead she ran over and picked my brother up to make sure he was all right, meanwhile I ran to the sink and gathered the bits of teeth I had left.
As I was cleaning my teeth my mother comes over and asked me what I did to Marc. When I responded “HE HIT ME WITH MY OWN CUP!!!” She responded “Well don’t get any blood on the towels they’re new.”
10 minutes later I’m sitting there with Paper towels pressed against my gums praying that the bleeding will stop while my mom is calling a dentist and there is my brother sitting on the floor. Grinning and playing with my Stuffed Digum banging it against the floor wondering why it’s not making noise.
I should have known than the problems he would cause me but a few years later he would prove his worth. See I grew up this weird kind of poor in The Bronx. I mean I went to a catholic school but we still got government cheese. Somehow my family was able to pull scams that allowed us to live beyond our means. We moved several times and at one point we were in a converted garage. As near as we could tell the house had a driveway that pulled into the back yard where there was a 2 car garage for the main house. The owner walled up the garage which became the master bedroom and what would have been the chauffeurs apartment was the 2nd floor (Don’t forget the Bronx used to be a wealthy area and some of the old houses are still around.)
So one year for Christmas my dad got us hand made bunk beds. Hand made was big when I was growing up because it was usually cheaper. Some guy would owe my dad money or a favor but would never be able to pay if off. So instead he had them do him a favor like make him bunk beds for his kids. My dad paid for the wood and we ended up with a set of bunk beds that look like they came from an old Pirate ship. Luckily it was sturdy for me and my brother.
Anyway, my brother had outgrown his baby bed, which was coated in a protective plastic layer in case his pissed himself at night. Before you start snickering he was a little kid and had a fairly good command of his bladder at the time. Hence the reason he was moving into a bunk bed. He must have been around 4 or 5 and he was supposed to be helping me get rid of his mattress but the mattress slipped while bringing it down the stairs, and slid all the way to the front door.
What??? The mattress slides down the stairs? I mean it really just flew down the stairs. Marc and I looked at each other and than at the mattress and a little cartoon light bulb lit up over both our heads. What if we sat on it and slid down the stares. Not being stupid I let my brother test it first, and it worked like a dream. We never had a sled but for a half hour my brother and I slid down the stairs down a 10 foot hall and stopped at the front door. Than I got the idea why don’t we open the front door.
This increased the fun factor by 3.5, a significant number considering all we did was open a door. I mean unless you are walking into trampoline night at the playboy mansion very few times will you open a door and things will be 3 times as fun. See it was winter and we hadn’t had real snow but decided that this was as close to sledding as we were going to get. So now we were sliding out the front door.
My mother being the keen observer that she was (and the fact that it was time for a commercial) found us sitting at the top of the stair ready to take off.
“What are you doing?” she screamed, at the time I couldn’t tell if she was surprised or angry. In my house it was learned early on if you can get mom or dad laughing the punishment will be lessened. The flip side is that if you swung and missed you were going to get a beat down.
My brother not missing a beat simply said ”you want to try?”, and she did! Some how my brother has always been able to get away with things with a grin and a wink. This was the first time I saw it in action.
So now me, my brother and MY MOTHER are taking rides on that mattress. In later years I would be able to manipulate my brother into using his powers for my benefit, but at that moment he proved his worth and that’s the reason I keep him around till this day.
So there I am, playing with my brother while he is sitting on my stomach, remember he isn't even 2 yet, and he is banging the cup on anything nearby. He is enjoying the sound it makes so much and he is quiet so I let him. I am actually paying more attention to cartoons than my brother. My mistake, he starts to bang it on other things, the table leg, the chair, my teeth.
That’s right, my teeth, now when this happened for some reason he started crying, it might have been the large amount of blood that came spurting from my mouth, it might be the realization in his infantile mind that he screwed up, but for whatever reason he started wailing away like I had just stabbed him. My mother who was alerted to the fact that something was wrong came into the room at that moment.
She took one look at me covered in my own blood and one look at my brother who was crying. And in that second the tone of my life was set. My mother who had given birth to both of us and loved me supposedly, didn’t spend a second to look at me. Instead she ran over and picked my brother up to make sure he was all right, meanwhile I ran to the sink and gathered the bits of teeth I had left.
As I was cleaning my teeth my mother comes over and asked me what I did to Marc. When I responded “HE HIT ME WITH MY OWN CUP!!!” She responded “Well don’t get any blood on the towels they’re new.”
10 minutes later I’m sitting there with Paper towels pressed against my gums praying that the bleeding will stop while my mom is calling a dentist and there is my brother sitting on the floor. Grinning and playing with my Stuffed Digum banging it against the floor wondering why it’s not making noise.
This son of a bitch knocked out my teeth than smiled about it.
I should have known than the problems he would cause me but a few years later he would prove his worth. See I grew up this weird kind of poor in The Bronx. I mean I went to a catholic school but we still got government cheese. Somehow my family was able to pull scams that allowed us to live beyond our means. We moved several times and at one point we were in a converted garage. As near as we could tell the house had a driveway that pulled into the back yard where there was a 2 car garage for the main house. The owner walled up the garage which became the master bedroom and what would have been the chauffeurs apartment was the 2nd floor (Don’t forget the Bronx used to be a wealthy area and some of the old houses are still around.)
So one year for Christmas my dad got us hand made bunk beds. Hand made was big when I was growing up because it was usually cheaper. Some guy would owe my dad money or a favor but would never be able to pay if off. So instead he had them do him a favor like make him bunk beds for his kids. My dad paid for the wood and we ended up with a set of bunk beds that look like they came from an old Pirate ship. Luckily it was sturdy for me and my brother.
Anyway, my brother had outgrown his baby bed, which was coated in a protective plastic layer in case his pissed himself at night. Before you start snickering he was a little kid and had a fairly good command of his bladder at the time. Hence the reason he was moving into a bunk bed. He must have been around 4 or 5 and he was supposed to be helping me get rid of his mattress but the mattress slipped while bringing it down the stairs, and slid all the way to the front door.
What??? The mattress slides down the stairs? I mean it really just flew down the stairs. Marc and I looked at each other and than at the mattress and a little cartoon light bulb lit up over both our heads. What if we sat on it and slid down the stares. Not being stupid I let my brother test it first, and it worked like a dream. We never had a sled but for a half hour my brother and I slid down the stairs down a 10 foot hall and stopped at the front door. Than I got the idea why don’t we open the front door.
This increased the fun factor by 3.5, a significant number considering all we did was open a door. I mean unless you are walking into trampoline night at the playboy mansion very few times will you open a door and things will be 3 times as fun. See it was winter and we hadn’t had real snow but decided that this was as close to sledding as we were going to get. So now we were sliding out the front door.
My mother being the keen observer that she was (and the fact that it was time for a commercial) found us sitting at the top of the stair ready to take off.
“What are you doing?” she screamed, at the time I couldn’t tell if she was surprised or angry. In my house it was learned early on if you can get mom or dad laughing the punishment will be lessened. The flip side is that if you swung and missed you were going to get a beat down.
My brother not missing a beat simply said ”you want to try?”, and she did! Some how my brother has always been able to get away with things with a grin and a wink. This was the first time I saw it in action.
So now me, my brother and MY MOTHER are taking rides on that mattress. In later years I would be able to manipulate my brother into using his powers for my benefit, but at that moment he proved his worth and that’s the reason I keep him around till this day.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Geek, Nerd or Dork?
OK It looks like people need an explanation on some very important terms. The other day I was called a nerd by a friend of mine. Now I wasn’t offended so much as confused, since I am not a nerd. I’m not a nerd nor am I a dork, what I am is a geek and damn proud of it, but it seems no one seems to realize that there is an actual difference between a Nerd, a Dork and a Geek. So here I am to set it straight.
Nerds are fairly easy to spot in an academic setting. They are the guys trashing the curve studying on a Friday and a Saturday night. Back in the day they carried pocket protectors and slide rules (I’m old, go look it up) now they carry... actually I’m not sure what they cary that’s different and i don’t hang around high schools, ever since the restraining order, but no matter what the time period the key to a nerd is a thirst for knowledge and academic success. Most nerds are associated with glasses, computers and some love of math but that is only the most famous breed. I have met English nerds who have found great thrill in reading Canterbury Tales, Ulysses and read the Russian masters for fun, I look at those and think “Kill me”. Thanks to NY Public Libraries having such a wide range of Video’s I never had to worry about it. I went to school with one kid who figured out how to ask for oral sex in Latin, I guess in case he went back in time. These are Nerds.
A dork is some one who is socially inept, and don’t even know it. Somewhere along the line they never developed that little filter that says this may not be appropriate to share. The biggest problem for dorks is they never out grew there dorky stage. Every person has an awkward stage. It’s just a part of growing up. As you get older and you learn different things you realize not everyone has the same interests as you. So maybe if you are that creepy kid who likes to play with spiders and snakes you don’t share that on a first date. Or maybe you don’t tell a person who you are trying to make friends with about the last bout of diarea. As you grow up you learn what info you can share and what you may want to keep to yourself... except for dorks. It’s ok that you like to make Dioramas of great moments in time using stuffed bunnies just keep it to your self for now. (I mean the kind taxidermist make not the kind you give to kids... or at least I hope you don’t give them to kids) The people who never learn what is and isn’t socially acceptable, These are dorks.
Now geeks... geeks are my people. I have a kinship for anyone who is a geek because long ago when I read my first comic i realized i was one. Now the key to a geek is not what they like... but how much they like it. A guy with over 10,000 comic books is no different than a guy who goes to every home game of his favorite team dressed in a his team jersey driving a car with a vanity plate with the teams logo on it and if he isn’t married the guy has a ton of sport memorabilia around the house. If he is married it’s all in one room unless, she is also a sports geek. It’s the extremes that people take there hobbies to that makes them a geek. Dressing up like a Klingon or a baseball player, going to see star wars 187 times or seeing he same band 187 times, Waiting in line all day to get an autograph from Angelina Jolie cause she was Laura croft or waiting in line all day to get an autograph from Angelina Jolie cause... well she’s fucking Angelina Jolie! I would wait in line to drink her bath water... but I’m digressing. Anyway the point is these extremists who have found something that gives them joy even when it’s bad (ask me about the superman remake one day) these are my people.
Now before I leave you just so there is some clarification I know some of you are wondering is there any overlapping. The answer is hell yes! It is this over lapping that gives geeks a bad name. See if you have a guy who is a geek and a dork you immediately assume all geeks are like that, but no most of the smart ones know to keep our geek habbits to ourselves. A perfect example of this is the Drew Barrymore, Jimmy Fallon movie Fever Pitch. Jimmy Fallon is a sports geek he has a good job, he charming, he’s funny but when it comes to the Red Sox he loses his damn mind. I know guys who are like that with collectible card games, Comic books or Video Games... I myself nearly spent 150.00 on a game. Not a game system, a fucking GAME!!! If I had the money I would have bought it with out a second thought. I mean it’s HALO of course I would have spent the money.
Anyway I hope this little guide has helped you and in the future make sure to insult people correctly.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Strangest Temp Job... So far.
So I start off on Monday and get there bright and early at 8:30, I asked for Mickey like the agency said, but it's a new guard and he doesn't know who Mickey is, so I wait around for about a half hour till the receptionist gets there. Now I have done a few temp assignments before and they always start a little rough but this one was just weird. Now keep in mind I'm not in the best of shapes and I was never built for speed, I was built for stealth, but to hear the guys I am working with complain about bending over and picking boxes I realize that these guys just like to complain.
Anyway Joey who is the only one there shows me the mail room and where everything is. I quickly realize that all he really does is wait till packages come in. He gets what I would consider a fairly light mailing that day for an organization as big as his but hey everyone is used to different things. So when he starts saying that they got hit hard today all I kept thinking is "This is going to be a breeze." I soon regret that thought. During the course of the day I find out all this guy does on a regular basis is receive, separate and deliver all the incoming mail and deliveries and prep all out going mail. A heavy mail day was when I prepped 800 envelopes that had to go out for a promotional. Now by prep I mean run it through a machine that stamps it and seals it in less than an hour... and that was going deliberately slow cause there wasn't more to this job.
What amazed me was that this company has a facility management team made up of 7 people. One supervisor, 1 engineer, 1 handy man, 1 mail room supervisor (Mickey who never showed up) 1 supply manager (Joey The guy who trained me) and 1 mail clerk (Freddie Who I was covering for) and the receptionist. The only reason I was hired was really to cover the receptionists break while the clerk was out on medical apparently he normally covers her breaks. I was never introduced to the supervisor but I could figure out who he was by the way everyone acted when he showed up. A lot of people saying "Look busy." The handy man who was only there 2 months had been trying to find things to do he was so bored. In the 2 Months he had been there he had repainted the light poles in the parking light repaired the broken power washer, power washed the entire building, repaired the elevator lights cleaned the outside camera housings, railings and generally did in 2 months what people who had worked there 15 years had never seen done. I never met the engineer but I think I saw him walking around. The receptionist I discovered was watching episodes of Charmed when no one was around. I think you are seeing a pattern here. No on had anything to do.
Now Joey, the guy who trained me was a little weird. He had this short haired charlie Manson look about himself that disturbed me. Add to the fact that he talks a lot and a I mean a lot, anyone who has hung out with me knows I talk a lot but I know that I will at least pause so the person I am talking to gets a word in. Not with this guy. I honestly believe I could have left and he would have kept talking. But the guy didn't seem bad just a little weird. I think what made it worse was he doesn't look at you, he looks to your side. as if he was talking to your shadow or some ghost that only he could see.
So I go back on day 2 for more of the same.,. but when I get there at 8:30 I figure I got a few minutes so I grab some breakfast sit down and eat, and wait. I see a few papers there I sort those to who they go to and wait.... and wait... and wait... I finally find out that Joey doesn't show up till after 10 because he has a standing allergy shot he has to get on a weekly basis. I find this out and proceed to try and find something to do. Since I don't have any Internet connection All I can do is write in my mini Moleskin note book a couple of strips for the "8 spot". There is just nothing to do. There is so much down time I am literally burning out my blackberry texting friends and what makes things worse is they are hinting that this might turn into a permanent gig. I need a job but I don't know if I could handle doing this all day with nothing else to do. I mean if I had access to the Internet maybe... but truthfully I don't know if I could have handled it.
All these things leave my brain on the third day. When I get there wait for an hour and Joey shows up and than Freddie shows up. Now the first thing I think is what am I going to do if the guy I am covering for is there. Than I hear this guy has some sort of medical condition and that is why they called me to come in, they weren't sure if he was coming back. Now apparently there was something shady about his medical but since he had all the paperwork he couldn't be fired, they were just hoping that he wouldn't come back. So there I am sitting around helping a guy who I was supposed to replace and what sucks is I was doing the job better than him and he knew it. He didn't say anything but he felt that I was a threat until I told him this was my last day. It was so weird that when I got lunch I just drove around rather than eat cause I needed to clear my head. I honestly felt like the day couldn't have been any weirder. I almost thought I was on a reality show but it wasn't funny enough... just strange. At one point one of the voices in my head just said "You know after you are done showing him up at his job why don't you just ask him if he needs pointers on satisfying his woman to."
It's sad that I am out of work and when they didn't ask me to come back I was ok.
Anyway Joey who is the only one there shows me the mail room and where everything is. I quickly realize that all he really does is wait till packages come in. He gets what I would consider a fairly light mailing that day for an organization as big as his but hey everyone is used to different things. So when he starts saying that they got hit hard today all I kept thinking is "This is going to be a breeze." I soon regret that thought. During the course of the day I find out all this guy does on a regular basis is receive, separate and deliver all the incoming mail and deliveries and prep all out going mail. A heavy mail day was when I prepped 800 envelopes that had to go out for a promotional. Now by prep I mean run it through a machine that stamps it and seals it in less than an hour... and that was going deliberately slow cause there wasn't more to this job.
What amazed me was that this company has a facility management team made up of 7 people. One supervisor, 1 engineer, 1 handy man, 1 mail room supervisor (Mickey who never showed up) 1 supply manager (Joey The guy who trained me) and 1 mail clerk (Freddie Who I was covering for) and the receptionist. The only reason I was hired was really to cover the receptionists break while the clerk was out on medical apparently he normally covers her breaks. I was never introduced to the supervisor but I could figure out who he was by the way everyone acted when he showed up. A lot of people saying "Look busy." The handy man who was only there 2 months had been trying to find things to do he was so bored. In the 2 Months he had been there he had repainted the light poles in the parking light repaired the broken power washer, power washed the entire building, repaired the elevator lights cleaned the outside camera housings, railings and generally did in 2 months what people who had worked there 15 years had never seen done. I never met the engineer but I think I saw him walking around. The receptionist I discovered was watching episodes of Charmed when no one was around. I think you are seeing a pattern here. No on had anything to do.
Now Joey, the guy who trained me was a little weird. He had this short haired charlie Manson look about himself that disturbed me. Add to the fact that he talks a lot and a I mean a lot, anyone who has hung out with me knows I talk a lot but I know that I will at least pause so the person I am talking to gets a word in. Not with this guy. I honestly believe I could have left and he would have kept talking. But the guy didn't seem bad just a little weird. I think what made it worse was he doesn't look at you, he looks to your side. as if he was talking to your shadow or some ghost that only he could see.
So I go back on day 2 for more of the same.,. but when I get there at 8:30 I figure I got a few minutes so I grab some breakfast sit down and eat, and wait. I see a few papers there I sort those to who they go to and wait.... and wait... and wait... I finally find out that Joey doesn't show up till after 10 because he has a standing allergy shot he has to get on a weekly basis. I find this out and proceed to try and find something to do. Since I don't have any Internet connection All I can do is write in my mini Moleskin note book a couple of strips for the "8 spot". There is just nothing to do. There is so much down time I am literally burning out my blackberry texting friends and what makes things worse is they are hinting that this might turn into a permanent gig. I need a job but I don't know if I could handle doing this all day with nothing else to do. I mean if I had access to the Internet maybe... but truthfully I don't know if I could have handled it.
All these things leave my brain on the third day. When I get there wait for an hour and Joey shows up and than Freddie shows up. Now the first thing I think is what am I going to do if the guy I am covering for is there. Than I hear this guy has some sort of medical condition and that is why they called me to come in, they weren't sure if he was coming back. Now apparently there was something shady about his medical but since he had all the paperwork he couldn't be fired, they were just hoping that he wouldn't come back. So there I am sitting around helping a guy who I was supposed to replace and what sucks is I was doing the job better than him and he knew it. He didn't say anything but he felt that I was a threat until I told him this was my last day. It was so weird that when I got lunch I just drove around rather than eat cause I needed to clear my head. I honestly felt like the day couldn't have been any weirder. I almost thought I was on a reality show but it wasn't funny enough... just strange. At one point one of the voices in my head just said "You know after you are done showing him up at his job why don't you just ask him if he needs pointers on satisfying his woman to."
It's sad that I am out of work and when they didn't ask me to come back I was ok.
Monday, August 30, 2010
The Hook Up
Ok I have started to develop another Comic strip idea and I am looking to the Web for inspiration. The new strip will focus on dating and relationships. As much as I enjoy writing @ The 8 Spot there are few chances to get into relationships. While i do get to dip into those themes sometimes I wanted to do something a little more about relationships. As such I am asking people to contribute there worse date story. You can either write it below or Email it to me privately at Section8comics@gmail.com.
And since i am asking for your stories I will tell you one of mine. It’s not exactly a date story but I think it’s funny.
So a few years ago I was in a wedding party in upstate new york. I have no idea where exactly all I do know was that except for my blood related family I was the only person of color for at least a half hour. So this was one of my first weddings where I was in the wedding party and I had heard that weddings make women horny so I’m thinking great maybe I can hook up. Than I find out I have to be there the night before because the wedding party has an entire bed and breakfast rented out. So the night before the wedding there are about 10 to 15 of us hanging out guys and girls. All the parents and kids who are to young have gone to sleep whle we were hanging out at the hall where the reception will be held. It was on the same property as the bed and breakfast and the Groom had gotten keys
So there we are dancing, drinking and just having a good ole time. When one of the guys mentions going to the lake, maybe do some moonlight skinny dipping. I wasn’t sure till this cute brunette named meredith comes up to me and says “come on it will be fun.” So like most guys who think with there penises I said “sure why not.” Now I am not a heavy drinker but I had a few glasses of wine and it gave me the courage to be a little smoother than I usually am.
We get down to the lake and I think Me and meredith are hitting it of fine. By fine I mean that I think I am going to get some. Since the only light out is moonlight no one sees that we are making out in our own corner.
Now I don’t have many rules when it comes to women but most of mine are non-debatable. One Safe sex is a must, I don’t know you that well I don’t care if you say it’s ok I am using a condom. Hell even with some of the girls I have known long time I will use a condom just to be safe. Second I don’t care if you have a boy friend but if you are married I am not messing with you. I will never cheat, but if a girl wants to get her freak on with me and she has a boy friend that is not my problem but the minute she is married she is off the market. I will never contribute to the destruction of a marriage. Third no one under 18... that’s not really my rule it’s something the government came up with.
Anyway Meredith seemed ready and she says lets go for a walk I quickly check for my wallet and realize that I left my wallet in my bag, in my room. which wouldn’t be a big deal except that’s where I had my condoms. I tell her give me 5 minutes I need to just get some protection. She says “hurry Back.” and that’s exactly what I do, but apparently 4 minutes was too long for her cause she has gone missing.
I ask around casually and one girl goes “Oh Meredith probably went into the woods with Tony.”
“What?”
“Yeah, Tony is Meredith’s Ex.”
“WHAT?”
“I just hope that Bobby doesn’t find out tomorrow.”
“who is Bobby?”
“Meredith's husband.”
“WHAT!”
Yes Meredith was married. I was so upset over this I decide to finish of several bottles of wine.
The next day at the wedding I only really remembered 2 things. Sweating out the alcohol while wearing a tuxedo in the hot June sun. And that Bobby was wearing a Charles Manson t-shirt to a wedding. Granted he did not actually attend the ceremony just showed up to pick up Meredith but it made an impression.
So again if you want to send me one of your stories. Post it here or contact me at Section8Comics@gmail.com
And since i am asking for your stories I will tell you one of mine. It’s not exactly a date story but I think it’s funny.
So a few years ago I was in a wedding party in upstate new york. I have no idea where exactly all I do know was that except for my blood related family I was the only person of color for at least a half hour. So this was one of my first weddings where I was in the wedding party and I had heard that weddings make women horny so I’m thinking great maybe I can hook up. Than I find out I have to be there the night before because the wedding party has an entire bed and breakfast rented out. So the night before the wedding there are about 10 to 15 of us hanging out guys and girls. All the parents and kids who are to young have gone to sleep whle we were hanging out at the hall where the reception will be held. It was on the same property as the bed and breakfast and the Groom had gotten keys
So there we are dancing, drinking and just having a good ole time. When one of the guys mentions going to the lake, maybe do some moonlight skinny dipping. I wasn’t sure till this cute brunette named meredith comes up to me and says “come on it will be fun.” So like most guys who think with there penises I said “sure why not.” Now I am not a heavy drinker but I had a few glasses of wine and it gave me the courage to be a little smoother than I usually am.
We get down to the lake and I think Me and meredith are hitting it of fine. By fine I mean that I think I am going to get some. Since the only light out is moonlight no one sees that we are making out in our own corner.
Now I don’t have many rules when it comes to women but most of mine are non-debatable. One Safe sex is a must, I don’t know you that well I don’t care if you say it’s ok I am using a condom. Hell even with some of the girls I have known long time I will use a condom just to be safe. Second I don’t care if you have a boy friend but if you are married I am not messing with you. I will never cheat, but if a girl wants to get her freak on with me and she has a boy friend that is not my problem but the minute she is married she is off the market. I will never contribute to the destruction of a marriage. Third no one under 18... that’s not really my rule it’s something the government came up with.
Anyway Meredith seemed ready and she says lets go for a walk I quickly check for my wallet and realize that I left my wallet in my bag, in my room. which wouldn’t be a big deal except that’s where I had my condoms. I tell her give me 5 minutes I need to just get some protection. She says “hurry Back.” and that’s exactly what I do, but apparently 4 minutes was too long for her cause she has gone missing.
I ask around casually and one girl goes “Oh Meredith probably went into the woods with Tony.”
“What?”
“Yeah, Tony is Meredith’s Ex.”
“WHAT?”
“I just hope that Bobby doesn’t find out tomorrow.”
“who is Bobby?”
“Meredith's husband.”
“WHAT!”
Yes Meredith was married. I was so upset over this I decide to finish of several bottles of wine.
The next day at the wedding I only really remembered 2 things. Sweating out the alcohol while wearing a tuxedo in the hot June sun. And that Bobby was wearing a Charles Manson t-shirt to a wedding. Granted he did not actually attend the ceremony just showed up to pick up Meredith but it made an impression.
So again if you want to send me one of your stories. Post it here or contact me at Section8Comics@gmail.com
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